Should the proposal be a surprise? January 7, 2014 – Posted in: Jewelry Blog

Should the proposal be a surprise? This is one of the common questions asked when guys approach us to buy an engagement ring.

The experts at Estate Diamond Jewelry bring the pros and cons of whether the surprise is the best option for you. See below for our list of pros and cons of a surprise proposal.

Understanding the Surprise Proposal

Couple walking in the street

As long as we’re talking “surprise” and not “shock”, then a surprise proposal usually has more going for it than against. But that doesn’t mean to say that you can just whip a ring out of your pocket and expect an immediate acceptance without doing a little bit of homework beforehand.

If she isn’t quite ready to be engaged, and the subject has never come up naturally, then you will undoubtedly be taking a massive risk. After all, if your partner hasn’t brought it up, she may not have done so for a very good reason, so don’t jump the gun without having a pretty good idea that the answer you get will be the one you want!

Knowing when to Propose

Proposal on the Beach

I don’t care what you see in the movies, men are usually terrible at subtlety and planning. Unless you literally have the intention to buy a ring, hide it and then produce it at a planned time, you’re asking for trouble. There’ll be a good chance that you will let something slip, whether out of a pent-up excitement or just because it’s what you’re good at. Either way, it will almost have to be as big a surprise to you as it will be to her.

But, for all that, it will be nice for both of you to have a romantic story to tell when the question “How did he propose?” inevitably gets asked when you announce the engagement. Romance doesn’t come much bigger than a surprise proposal and, you never know, she might have been waiting for this moment for a while, so it really is a win-win situation.

For creative marriage proposal ideas, click here.

Researching the Perfect Proposal

Secluded outdoor proposal with engagement ringOf course, you’ll need to do some homework. Does she even like surprises? Will she want to choose the ring? Do you know what ring size to buy? There are lots of things you need to know before planning a surprise proposal but, as long as you have the answers and they all come down in your favor, we say go for it. She won’t say no, just because she prefers to do things her way, she’ll only say no if she doesn’t want to marry you at that moment. It’s a big consideration, but you would hopefully have made that your first bit of investigation.

Research is on your side too. Polls consistently show that the majority of women want a surprise proposal, or at least impart. She may know it’s coming, but not exactly when, and that will be enough to win her hand. It’s also an opportunity to show her you’re not the unromantic and occasionally idiotic but ultimately loveable fool she often thinks you are. Make an effort to choose the right setting, and bring all the elements of a romance together at the right time, and she’ll love you even more for it.

Proposal Traditions

On top of all the above, let’s not forget that proposals of marriage are a tradition which goes back thousands of years, and it is only in very recent times that these have been anything other than the man’s domain. You will also have the great next step of telling people, including her family. If you get along with your in-laws, but may not be particularly close, announcing an engagement can be a fantastic way to break any ice that remains and offers an ideal bonding opportunity. This is usually particularly true of her father as, up to this point, he has been the primary man in her life, and you need to make sure your transition to first place on her list goes as smoothly as possible.

Whilst there are both pros and cons about surprise proposals, a little legwork beforehand tips the scales massively in favor. The bottom line is that whatever you do must make you both comfortable and happy. Cover those two conditions, and you’ll be okay.

Pros and Cons of a Surprise Proposal

Pros of Surprise Proposal

Successful Proposal Reaction

There are many positive reasons why a surprise proposal may be a good idea. Here is a list of some of the more convincing reasons:

  • For many couples, “the surprise” is what is remembered and cherished when reminiscing.
  • She may be expecting a surprise and will be disappointed with anything less than something creative and memorable.
  • Polls indicate the majority of women would rather have an element of surprise in their proposal.
  • The proposal is a great opportunity for her to see his creative side.
  • The proposal is often a great excuse and opportunity for him to bond with her family.
  • Tradition. Many people consider the surprise-proposal a part of the celebration, and therefore tradition.
  • A good chance for him to discover many new factoids about her, what her taste in jewelry is, and where here favorite places are.
  • She will want a story to tell her friends (and later on, her grandchildren).

Cons of Surprise Proposal

Women not happy with proposal

There are many reasons why a surprise proposal may not be a good idea. Here is a list of some of them:

  • If she isn’t ready to be engaged. Hearing “No” at the end of the surprise will sting.
  • She may have wanted to choose the ring herself. It could be that she has a very specific style in mind.
  • You may be sloppy keeping it a surprise and she may find out anyway.
  • She may get suspicious by all the preparation and secrecy. She could think the worst.
  • She may not like surprises in general.
  • The timing may not be good for her. If she knows in advance, she can warn you or at least rally to the occasion with a little preparation.
  • The size of the ring may be off. (Though you can always re-size the ring for free, you will want her to be able to wear it at the time of proposal.)

Bottom Line

To answer the question. Should the proposal be a surprise?

There are so many reasons on both sides of the scale. There is no correct answer. The important factor is what will make both of you both happy and comfortable. Think about it and make your choice. If it is supposed to be, it will be!

Do you need some ideas for a surprise engagement? Click here to read our top 25 proposals ideas!

Which side do you think is stronger? Did we miss any pros or cons? Tell us in the comments below?