Should the Proposal be a Surprise?

May 3, 2021 – Posted in: Jewelry Blog

Should the proposal be a surprise? This is one of the common questions asked when guys approach us to buy their engagement ring. In this article, we’ll bring the pros and cons of whether the surprise is the best option for you.

Should you Surprise her with a Proposal?

Couple walking in the street

As long as we’re talking “surprise” and not “shock”, then a surprise proposal is usually the best way to pop the question. That doesn’t mean to say that you can just whip a ring out of your pocket and expect an immediate acceptance. You will have to do a little bit of homework beforehand.

If she isn’t quite ready to be engaged, and the subject has never come up naturally, then you will undoubtedly be taking a massive risk. After all, if your partner hasn’t brought it up, she may not have done so for a very good reason, so don’t jump the gun without having a pretty good idea that the answer you get will be the one you want!

The first step to planning any proposal – whether it’s a surprise or not – is to make sure that she wants to get married to you!

Pros and Cons of a Surprise Proposal

The best way to determine if the surprise marriage proposal will work for you will be to analyze the pros and cons and see which side is stronger. It will vary greatly from couple to couple.

There is no correct or incorrect answer. Each decision will have to be made on an individual basis, based on the factors below.

Pros of Surprise Proposal

There are many positive reasons why a surprise proposal may be a good idea. Here is a list of some of the more convincing reasons:

  • Memories. For many couples, “the surprise” is what is remembered and cherished when reminiscing.
  • Expectations. She may be expecting a surprise and will be disappointed with anything less than something creative and memorable.
  • Popular Desire. Polls indicate the majority of women would rather have an element of surprise in their proposal.
  • Showing Her Your Creativity. The proposal is a great opportunity for her to see his creative side.
  • Bonding over the Drama. The proposal is often a great excuse and opportunity for him to bond with her family. Creating the perfect surprise will take a lot of logistical planning.
  • Tradition. Many people consider the surprise proposal a part of the celebration, and therefore tradition.
  • Learning About Her. A surprise proposal is a fantastic way for him to discover so much about her, what her tastes in jewelry are, fashion and style, gift expectations, and where her favorite places are.
  • Ice Breaking Conversation. The proposal, especially when done with a lot of creativity, will be a fantastic icebreaker for anyone wanting to learn more about the two of you. She will want a story to tell her friends (and later on, her grandchildren).

Cons of Surprise Proposal

Women not happy with proposal

There are a few reasons why a surprise proposal may not be a good idea. Here is a list of some of them to consider before preparing a big surprise.

  • If She Isn’t Ready. If she isn’t ready to be engaged. Hearing “No” at the end of the surprise will sting. Don’t do a surprise, especially a public surprise, unless you’re certain that she’ll say “Yes!”.
  • Picking the Ring Herself. She may have wanted to choose the ring herself. It could be that she has a very specific style in mind. This problem can be easily solved by shopping for a ring with her, putting it aside until her guard is down and she forgets and then surprising her.
  • Not Good at Secrets. You may be sloppy at keeping it a surprise and she may find out anyway.
  • Secretive Behavior. She may get suspicious by all the preparation and secrecy. She could think the worst.
  • Not the Surprising Type. She may not like surprises in general. Or you may feel deeply uncomfortable about surprising her.
  • Advance Notice. The timing may not be good for her. If she knows in advance, she can warn you or at least rally to the occasion with a little preparation.
  • Ring Sizing. The size of the ring may be off (and although you can always re-size the ring for free if you purchase the ring from a reputable seller, you may still want her to be able to wear it at the time of proposal.)

Bottom Line Of Whether to Make it a Surprise

middle age man proposing to woman in empty field

To answer the question. Should the proposal be a surprise?

There are so many reasons on both sides of the scale. There is no correct answer. The important factor to consider is what will make both of you happy and comfortable. Think about it and make your choice.

Do you need some ideas for a surprise engagement? Click here to read over 85 marriage proposals ideas!

How to Research the Perfect Proposal

Surprise Engagement Ring at Marriage Proposal

Of course, as mentioned above, you’ll need to do some homework.

  • Does she even like surprises?
  • Will she want to choose the ring?
  • Do you know what ring size to buy?
  • What style does she like?

There are lots of things you need to know before planning a surprise proposal, but as long as you have the answers, and they all come down in your favor, we say go for it. Usually, she’ll only say no if she doesn’t want to marry you at that moment. It’s a big consideration, but you would hopefully have made that your first bit of investigation.

Research is on your side too. Polls consistently show that the majority of women want a surprise proposal or at least a partial surprise. She may know it’s coming, but not exactly when, and that will be enough to win her hand. It’s also an opportunity to show her you’re not the unromantic and occasionally idiotic but ultimately loveable fool she often thinks you are. Make an effort to choose the right setting, and bring all the elements of a romance together at the right time, and she’ll love you even more for it.

Part of the research will be speaking to a jeweler. Jewelry Boutiques, like ourselves, have been witness to thousands of proposals. We’ve seen the amazing, average, and bad proposals. Feel free to send us a message, and we can help you with everything that you need to know about popping the big question!

Proposal Traditions

Couple Just Engaged from a surprise Proposal

On top of all the above, let’s not forget that proposals of marriage are a tradition which goes back thousands of years. It is only in very recent times that these have been anything other than the man’s domain.

You may want to ask her father’s permission to marry her before you propose.

You will also have the great next step of telling people, including her family. If you get along with your in-laws, but may not be particularly close, announcing an engagement can be a fantastic way to break any ice that remains and offers an ideal bonding opportunity. This is usually particularly true of her father as, up to this point, he has been the primary man in her life, and you need to make sure your transition to first place on her list goes as smoothly as possible.

Whilst there are both pros and cons about surprise proposals, a little legwork beforehand will tip the scales massively in your favor. The bottom line is that whatever you do must make you both safe and happy. Cover those two conditions, and you’ll be okay.