7 Tips On How To Ask A Dad To Marry His Daughter June 20, 2017 – Posted in: Jewelry Blog
It’s no surprise by now to say that many traditions surrounding everything about weddings, from the proposal to the ceremony itself, have changed somewhat. The past 20 or 30 years has seen a significant relaxing of some of the more formal elements of the process, including the age old tradition of the prospective groom asking permission of his father-in-law-to-be for his daughter’s hand in marriage.
We think it’s a bit of a shame that this particular custom is fading, with most weddings now announced, rather than requested. It’s also true that it is now more normal to ask for her father’s blessing, than outright permission, and that’s okay as long as you have a good idea what the answer will be before you even ask!
7 Tips on Asking Permission to Marry
But what if you do intend to ask for your partner’s hand? What are the best ways to go about it? Here are our tips to make sure the whole thing goes as smoothly as possible.
Tip Number 1
It may be obvious to say, but make sure your partner is actually going to say yes. There’s no point getting her father’s permission and then being turned down at the crucial moment. At the same time, make sure your potential bride has no issues with you speaking to her father.
The relationship between them might not be as close as it could be, so she may not be comfortable with you asking her father at all. Assuming she’s already agreed to marry you in principle, there should be no problems. It’s unlikely her father will refuse to give his blessing, even if he doesn’t really like you!
Tip Number 2
You’ve possibly had a million conversations with him over the time you and your partner have been together, but nothing will prepare you for this particular chat. The sense of foreboding is even greater if your meetings have been few and far between. Think about what you’re going to say, and be sure to keep it simple.
Nobody needs a growing sense of embarrassment waiting for you to get to the point, whether you have an established relationship or not. The conversation needn’t be complicated or lengthy, just explain that you love his daughter, would like to marry her, and it would mean a lot if you could have his blessing. Assuming he agrees – which he probably will – shake hands and have a drink to celebrate.
Tip Number 3
Location, location, location. It’s best not to be trying to make yourself heard in a crowded bar during the World Series, just as it’s best not to try and have the conversation round the dinner table with the whole family present.
If your partner is aware of what’s going on, she can easily distract other family members while you get her father alone and talk man-to-man. He’ll appreciate the courtesy, and both of you can walk away without any embarrassment. You only need a minute because, as we’ve already said, you will want to keep things brief and to the point.
Tip Number 4
Flattery will get you so far but, unless you have a close relationship with her father, too much will make you both very uncomfortable. A compliment about his daughter is, by extension, a compliment about him and the way he raised her. Otherwise, just having enough respect for him to have the conversation in the first place will usually be enough to see you through.
Knowing the man will be important for this part. The real key is confidence. He needs to know that you’re up to doing what was – until now – his job. He needs to know his daughter will be looked after, and that you’re the man to do it.
Tip Number 5
Having your facts right might be an odd thing to say, but you don’t know what questions he might ask, if any. He might ask about future plans or financial stability. He might ask questions about your job, or where you plan to live long term. He might even ask about grand-kids, so don’t be surprised if the questions come at you far quicker than you might have expected.
Tip Number 6
If her father is no longer alive, or if his whereabouts are unknown, don’t assume you can ignore this altogether. Step-dad, uncle, even her mom should be treated with the same respect. You will need to tailor your approach a little, but all the points in this guide still stand.
Ask your partner who will be giving her away, and include them if necessary. They may not be the primary person to ask, but they still warrant inclusion and the courtesy of being one of the first to know.
Tip Number 7
By this point, it may be that your partner’s mother already knows. If not, ask her father if he wants to break the news or if he’s okay with you doing it. Once the most important people have been told of your intention to marry, work out who should tell whom, and be careful not to steal anybody’s glory. Yes, it’s your wedding, but ensuring a happy fiancée and happy in-laws is something that will repay itself back a thousand-fold over the years.
A Final Thought
When you ask for your partner’s father’s blessing, the relationship immediately changes. You go from boyfriend to fiancé, and from outsider to family-member. Whilst it’s not exactly a fork in the road, what you do during this time could dictate how smooth the future path is for everybody.
What do you think is the most important tip on how to ask a dad to marry his daughter? Tell us in the comments below.