7 Tips On How To Ask A Dad To Marry His Daughter June 20, 2017 – Posted in: Jewelry Blog
You’re ready to propose, but you don’t know how to ask for her father’s blessing? We agree! It’s not as easy as it sounds!
The good news is that we have worked with 1000’s of engaged couples in the 40 years that we’ve been in business. We have the answer for you! Keep reading.
- Tip #1 – Make Sure She’s Ready
- Tip #2 – Prepare Conversation
- Tip #3 – Location of Conversation
- Tip #4 – Professionalism
- Tip #5 – Counter Questions
- Tip #6 – If you Can’t Ask her Father
- Tip #7 – Her Mother
It’s no surprise by now to say that many traditions surrounding everything about weddings, from the proposal to the ceremony itself, have changed somewhat. The past 20 or 30 years has seen a significant relaxing of some of the more formal elements of the process, including the age-old tradition of the prospective groom asking permission of his father-in-law-to-be for his daughter’s hand in marriage.
We think it’s a bit of a shame that this particular custom is fading, with most weddings now announced, rather than requested. It’s also true that it is now more normal to ask for her father’s blessing, than outright permission, and that’s okay as long as you have a good idea what the answer will be before you even ask!
7 Tips on Asking Permission to Marry
But what if you do intend to ask for your partner’s hand? What are the best ways to go about it? Here are our tips to make sure the whole thing goes as smoothly as possible.
Tip Number 1 – Make Sure She’s Ready
It may be obvious to say, but make sure your partner is actually going to say yes. There’s no point getting her father’s permission and then being turned down at the crucial moment.
At the same time, make sure your potential bride has no issues with you speaking to her father.
The relationship between them might not be as close as it could be, so she may not be comfortable with you asking her father at all. Assuming she’s already agreed to marry you in principle, there should be no problems. It’s unlikely her father will refuse to give his blessing, even if he really doesn’t really like you!
Tip Number 2 – Prepare Conversation
You’ve possibly had a million conversations with him over the time you and your partner have been together, but nothing will prepare you for this particular chat. The sense of foreboding is even greater if your meetings have been few and far between. Think about what you’re going to say, and be sure to keep it simple.
Nobody needs a growing sense of embarrassment waiting for you to get to the point, whether you have an established relationship or not. The conversation needn’t be complicated or lengthy, just explain that you love his daughter, would like to marry her, and it would mean a lot if you could have his blessing. Assuming he agrees – which he probably will – shake hands and have a drink to celebrate.
Tip Number 3 – Location of Conversation
Location, location, location.
It’s best not to be trying to make yourself heard in a crowded bar during the World Series, just as it’s best not to try and have the conversation around the dinner table with the whole family present.
If your partner is aware of what’s going on, she can easily distract other family members while you get her father alone and talk man-to-man.
He’ll appreciate the courtesy, and both of you can walk away without any embarrassment. You only need a minute because, as we’ve already said, you will want to keep things brief and to the point.
Tip Number 4 – Professionalism
Flattery will get you so far but, unless you have a close relationship with her father, too much will make you both very uncomfortable. A compliment about his daughter is, by extension, a compliment about him and the way he raised her. Otherwise, just having enough respect for him to have the conversation in the first place will usually be enough to see you through.
Knowing the man will be important for this part. The real key is confidence. He needs to know that you’re up to doing what, he believes, was – until now – his job. He needs to know his daughter will be looked after, and that you’re the man to do it.
Tip Number 5 – The Big Counter Questions
Having your facts right might be an odd thing to say, but you don’t know what questions he might ask you in return. For a father, this moment is a very big deal. As nervous as you are, he may be equally apprehensive.
Here are a few things that he may ask. You don’t really have to answer them, but if you do an answer ready, you may as well put him at ease:
- How are you planning on supporting your family?
- Where are you planning on living long-term?
- How many children do you plan on having?
Don’t volunteer this information if he doesn’t ask! But if he does ask, and some fathers might ask, have your replies ready. If you don’t know the answer to a question, just say that you don’t know. Never lie.
Some fathers may ask really inappropriate questions. Don’t get flustered. It’s usually just their own apprehension talking… Just remain calm and do your best to navigate around the question.
Tip Number 6 – If you Can’t Ask her Father
If her father is no longer alive, or if his whereabouts are unknown, don’t assume that you can ignore this tradition altogether. Her mother, step-dad, or even her uncle should be treated with the same respect. You will need to tailor your approach a little, but all the points in this guide still stand.
Ask your partner who will be giving her away, and include them if necessary. They may not be the primary person to ask, but they still warrant inclusion and the courtesy of being one of the first to know.
Tip Number 7 – Her Mother
By this point, it may be that your partner’s mother already knows. If not, ask her father if he wants to break the news or if he’s okay with you doing it.
Once the most important people have been told of your intention to marry, work out who should tell whom and be careful not to steal anybody’s glory.
Yes, it’s your wedding, but ensuring a happy fiancée and happy in-laws are something that will repay itself back a thousand-fold over the years.
Important Note: The world is changing. This article assumes that your fiancee’s family are very traditional. If her family are more liberal, it may be more appropriate to ask both her father and mother for their blessing.
A Final Thought
When you ask for your partner’s father’s blessing, the relationship immediately changes. You go from boyfriend to fiancé, and from outsider to family-member. Whilst it’s not exactly a fork in the road, what you do during this time could dictate how smooth the future path is for everybody.
If you are at this stage of your relationship there are probably a few other things that you’ll want to know: